::Ben Thirsty, PretzelCorp's Public Relations Officer, on PretzelCorp:
Pretzel Corp is one of the faceless mega-conglomerates whose boring product assures a degree of public sphere anonymity. It's the brand name you've grown up with but can't quite place exactly. It's like one of those German pharmaceutical manufacturers who you have a feeling might have experimented with Jews during the holocaust. You're pretty sure it makes baby food now but it's not like you care enough. We at Pretzel Corp. know our aisle in the bazaar, we know our shelf, we know our barcode and we're happy you don't. And that's why the launch of PretzelCorp.com with its unique blend of big business kitsch and human suffering is so timely in the current market uncertainty. At Pretzel Corp. we are determined that you'll never pin us for the grey-paper-mountained-bureaucracy that we are and we plan to do this through making our website as unprofessional as we possibly can. Visit articles and you'll feel the confusion the way you would in seeing a Wall Street broker wearing cheap polyester braces. Visit photos and you'll feel that amateur-hour-family-slide-show artlessness like Jane Fonda did the burn. Suffer our tasteless 'guess you had to be there' anti-entertainment and feel the anachorism of our brand as we regale you with the word Corp. and the royal we, just to keep reminding you that we still pull the strings. With so much semiotic uncertainty at PretzelCorp.com you'll never know where we're coming from unless you read about us, where we tell you quite clearly. Barcode 00004051432641111. That way you can keep feeding the babies we'll later socially marginalise in order to experiment on.